And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
