I wish my penis had an off switch
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
