i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
