Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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