I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
