So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
