Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
