I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
