I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
