Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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