just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
