I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
