It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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