With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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