Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
