We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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