I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize