ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
