as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
