it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize