I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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