What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
