My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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