i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
