Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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