what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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