I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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