You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
