i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So many bounce houses so little time
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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