my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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