Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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