the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
