My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
