I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am puke
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
