you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
