Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
