so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
