Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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