It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
