I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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