He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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