He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
