i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
