you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
