Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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