i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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