I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
