I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
