went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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