We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
