Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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