Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize