My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize