its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm both gender and math confused
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
