Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize