Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
