Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
