so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he thought i was a dude.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
