I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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