hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
