well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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