I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
