first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
