i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
