you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
