This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
