i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
