I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
