Where is the hickey?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
